What drove you to choose comedy, when you could have been a mechanic or a doctor or something decent like that?
A comedian gets more chicks than a mechanic or a doctor. Unless you're a gynecologist maybe.

What's your favorite fashion accessory?
My wife. I was lying about the chicks.

How has the way you look affected your identity as a comic?
People keep trying to sell me dagga.....I'd say it helps for the cross-cultural appeal: there's no way you could mistake me for a member of the AWB.

Are there things you wouldn't say on stage? Eg, any words you'd never use or subjects you'd never tackle?
Fucking hell yes, I never ever EVER say the word _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Who is your major influence? And your major South African influence?
Calvin (and Hobbs). Alyn Adams.

Is there any figure from your past that you'd like to see in your audience? What would you do to them or for them?
Shaun Griggs. I'd just say thanks.

What's lacking from South African comedy, or audiences, that it remains such a small scene?
Teamwork. Mixed audiences. Belief in local talent. They're all connected.The realisation that an "International" (whatever that means) comedian won't automatically make you laugh more than a local.

Do you think all South Africans can all laugh at the same joke at the same time. What kind of joke would it be?
Of course! Look at the Simunye presenters. I've got the ultimate unifying joke but I'm not telling cos Alyn Adams will steal it.

Do you ever steal jokes?
Only from Alyn Adams. Doesn't everyone?

Would you sell your material?
Yes. Except to Alyn Adams.

Would you promise never to use them on stage again after the sale?
Yes. But I'd do it on TV and radio.

Which internationally renowned comic would you most like to work with? What would you do to him/her?
Robin Williams. I'd like to challenge him to a Colombian marching powder-fuelled talkathon.

What's the most embarrassing death you've ever seen another comic die on stage? (names not necessary) Describe the incident, and how you felt.
I saw a Perrier award winning comic performing a celebratory run in London. He suddenly decided not to use his mike - in a 2000 seater West End theatre!! I had to leave.

Where would you like to live when you retire - if ever?
Fish Hoek. Small dogs and hockey sticks rule.

How funny do you Really think you are?
Funnier than Alyn Adams.

Will you matter 50 years after you're dead? Will it matter to you?
Matter can neither be created or destroyed. First Law of Hysterionics: please take a deep breath - nothing Really matters 50 seconds after you're dead.

What's the interview question you'd most like to be asked, and what is the answer?
Q:Q. How much did you get paid to complete this interview? A. One million Rands. Per word.

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