What drove you to choose comedy, when you could have been a mechanic or a doctor or something decent like that?
Because I thought if I could make the school bully laugh, I'd won him over.

What's your favourite fashion accessory?
A peaked cap and takkies. Onstage, a 1912 Oxford men's bunny jacket which I bought in a shop in Melville for R15 and it fitted me like a glove, so I knew that someone had sent it for me.

How has the way you look affected your identity as a comic?
When I was born I was so ugly my mother was sent to prison for seven years. I'm not a looker. It's from within that my beauty comes.

Are there things you wouldn't say on stage? Eg, any words you'd never use or subjects you'd never tackle?
It depends where I am. But I would never say "serendipitous", "quagmire", and "costume rail".

Who is your major influence? And your major South African influence?
Tommy Cooper, Robert Kirby.

Is there any figure from your past that you'd like to see in your audience? What would you do to them or for them?
When I auditioned for drama school when I was 12, I was told that I just didn't have anything. I think they're dead. If I did see them I'd shoot myself.

What's lacking from South African comedy, or audiences, that it remains such a small scene?
The danger element. There's not enough new people going in a new direction. There's got to be someone coming up with a new character, or a new something, like a transvestite with half a head who does paraplegic jokes.

Do you think all South Africans can all laugh at the same joke at the same time. What kind of joke would it be?
No.

Do you ever steal jokes?
Yes.

Would you sell your material?
I would sell anything. At the moment I'm trying to sell my act. I put an ad in the Farmers Weekly.

Would you promise never to use it on stage again after the sale?
I'd say "yes, I promise not to use it", but I would.

Which internationally renowned comic would you most like to work with? What would you do to him/her?
Joan Rivers. Spend a weekend. Talking.

What's the most embarrassing death you've ever seen another comic die on stage? (names not necessary) Describe the incident, and how you felt.
It was in Montreal. A girl who did the sitcom Caroline of the City who had a nervous breakdown during her act in front of a thousand people. She absolutely died and had to be helped offstage. That was horrifying. I didn't speak for two days, because I wouldn't want that to happen to anyone, including me. She left the stage in absolute silence. Lady Di's funeral was noisier, and had more laughs.

Where would you like to live when you retire - if ever?
Probably California. I must have sunshine.

How funny do you Really think you are?
I think I'm OK. Out of ten, 5 It depends on the time of the month.

Will you matter 50 years after you're dead? Will it matter to you?
No. Not at all. They'll probably confuse me with Dorianne Berry.

What's the interview question you'd most like to be asked, and what is the answer?
Q: What's the secret to comedy?
A: Inventiveness

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