What drove you to choose comedy, when you could have been a mechanic or a doctor or something decent like that?
Excessive mirth and joviality.

What's your favorite fashion accessory?
Table Mountain.

How has the way you look affected your identity as a comic?
Narcissistic tendency to admire and talk to myself - VENTRILOQUIST.

Are there things you wouldn't say on stage? Eg, any words you'd never use or subjects you'd never tackle?
The word "Papadopolous" is enough to put any ventriloquist into intensive care

Who is your major influence? And your major South African influence?
Scottish comedian Ronnie Mc Loud and South African comedian Chester "Die Jester" Williams.

Is there any figure from your past that you'd like to see in your audience? What would you do to them or for them?
About 150 000 years without the C.C.C.

What's lacking from South African comedy, or audiences, that it remains such a small scene?
Yes, one written in all 11 official and 63 unofficial languages, in Braille, sign language and Yiddish.

Do you think all South Africans can all laugh at the same joke at the same time. What kind of joke would it be?
Yes, one written in all 11 official and 63 unofficial languages, in Braille, sign language and Yiddish.

Do you ever steal jokes?
Conrad: "No I don't."
Ronnie: "Aye, I do."
Conrad: "No I do not!
Ronnie "Aye I bloody well do!"

Would you sell your material?
Only to E-TV.

Would you promise never to use them onstage again after the sale?
Sure, as long as they promise to pay for it.
Note from Comedy Club: E-TV have filmed comics for a one-off show, then repacked and re-screened the footage in dead time and repeated it in other shows - all without consent.

Which internationally renouned comic would you most like to work with? What would you do to him/her?
Bill Clinton - using him as a ventriloquist puppet. (Oops, its already been done.)

What's the most embarrassing death you've ever seen another comic die on stage? (names not necessary) Describe the incident, and how you felt.
Ronnie: "Conrad, every night."

Where would you like to live when you retire - if ever?
Being old must have it's advantages - Hugh Hefner's house is a likely place, if it's available.

How funny do you Really think you are?
Chester: "So funny soos jou ma on steroids."

Will you matter 50 years after you're dead? Will it matter to you?
That depends on who's right - me, the Satanists or God.

What's the interview question you'd most like to be asked, and what is the answer?
Q: What's the interview question you'd most like to be asked, and what is the answer?
A: What's the interview question you'd most like to be asked, and what is the answer?
Q: What's the interv...

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