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ComedyClub  SatireCats issue media release: "We are not impressed with lesbian owners" they say |
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Many of their complaints center around hospitality - particularly the fact that they are often forced to cohabit with lesbians. "First, it's the names they give us. Antigone, or Electra, or Historectomy, or Menstruata if you're female. And if you're a tomcat, it's 'Erastianism' or 'Salem', or 'Panpsychism'. It gets even worse if they get you when you're a kitten and they're not sure what gender you are. We know of a certain kitty called 'Collective Incentive'. "Imagine the embarrassment when every other cat is known by a normal name, like Tabby, or Sam, or Garfield. "And these Lesbians never go out! I know cats that have the run of the house every weekend - sometimes most of the week, but that's rare. Most of us live day in day out with confessions about PMT, depressing movies featuring women complaining for 90 minutes, all shot in black and white, fights… and the issues! Everything is an Issue with these people! It's more than we can take, being the indifferent, sociopathic creatures that we are. "We scratch them; they enjoy it. We piss on their beds; they stay home and wash the blankets. We ignore them; they romanticise it. "And everything we do, they copy. You should see how they lick each other all the time when they're not fighting or sulking. "As if that weren't enough, there's also the endless 'wet pussy' jokes from their castrated male friends when it rains? We just give them that 'Oh, please!' look. "Of course, it could easily get worse. Now they're allowed to adopt children, and we'll either have to deal with being treated like dogs by the little brats, or leave in disgust." The SPCA are investigating the possibility of psychological abuse. *Several cats are under investigation
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