"There's not as much sex as you'd think" by a pizza delivery guy
There's one thing you've got to know about my job. Sure you work nights. Sure you meet a lot of people, and some of them sexy chicks. But forget everything you've heard about my job. Because I'll tell you straight: there's not as much sex as you think.
When I first got my uniform with the clip on bow tie and shirt, I thought I had it made. This friend of mine knew this guy who used to work as a pizza delivery guy and he was getting laid like every second delivery.
I was really excited. And the first pizza I delivered to an OK looking woman, I asked if I could come in.
But the chick just paid me at the door, and slammed it shut in my face. I couldn't believe it.
I didn't give up all that easily though. I reckoned maybe she was just shy. So I asked her the next time 'will that be all? No extras?' and she just sneered at me and said 'Don't you think I would have asked before you got here?'
It's my thousandth delivery now, and I still feel I'm getting nowhere… well, not nowhere. I'm starting to get somewhere with one of the girls who answer the phones. She catches a lift home with me every night, and I'm confident that she'll fall for me this month.
But I think I could do better. I'm considering a new career as a Father Christmas who goes to all the bars collecting money for charity. This friend of mine told me once that this guy he knows who was working as Father Christmas got laid like, every night. That sounds like the job for me. I can't wait to start. I'm going to have to shake them off with a shitty stick.