These feature articles are intended to be humorous. But if you don't find them funny or you're offended, we'd love you to complain. In fact, attempts to get us banned would be welcomed. Unlike Nandos, we actually need the publicity.

"Condoms prevent Catholics" bishops warn in response to country's Aids crisis. Read on... "We are not impressed" Cats worldwide issue media release stating they are tired of living with lesbians. Read on... Hooker can't meet nice man "I don’t understand it. I've met hundreds of men since I started this job." Read on... New wrinkle cream launches It contains sunflower oil and battery acid, and tightens the skin by eating away at the flesh. Market research shows women will buy it. Read on... "There's not as much sex as I originally hoped" says pizza delivery guy Read on... "Why must straight people keep shoving their sexuality in my face?" by A gay man Read on... "Say what you want, you're still a total loser and everything" by A. Cosmo Chick - It's what's on the outside that counts, you know Read on... Women's volleyball voted most popular Olympic Sport - It's all about pushing yourself to your physical limits, say men, lesbians ISP tech support to offer free phone sex "While-U-Wait" Read on... "Your kids could be stars!" - By Gert Van Rooyen Read on... AWB leader Eugene Terre'Blanche has first multiracial experience. "There can be love across the colour line."   Read on... Paul Adams: "Thank God I said no" Adams glad he refused to marry Hansie Cronje in Spur Steak Ranches advert.  Read on... Proof: Baptists Cause Tornados Proof has emerged that Baptists actually cause tornados, while gays protect against them.  Read on... Local Girl's Nipples Vaguely Visible Through Flimsy Shirt! Our fearless reporter talks to the ordinary, decent folk who saw. Read

Your life questions answered, by That Guy Who Writes the Metatags for Porn Sits. Read on... Local girl's first sexual experience ends with unpleasant surprise. Read on... Closet Heterosexual languishes in unhappy gay relationship. Read on... Kitty comes out of the closet "I'm straight", she tells her shocked lesbian owners Read on... Woman gets panties in a twist "I told her," says Doug, her husband of ten years. "I said Lou..." Read on... Sex, lies and videotape Respected consumer journalist turned Verimark rep. Isabel Jones takes a long, hard investigative look at sex toys. Read on... "Why can't I get laid?" asks 32 year old, still living with his parents Read on... "We don't fuck on first contact" say Aliens "However, a little anal probe is okay." Read on... Paedophiles discouraged from 'laying any ghosts' during Halloween period Read on... Gaybashers live "As God Intended" to prevent becoming homosexual, 'cause that "Just ain't natural". Read on... "Gay-hating Homophobes Are Absolutely Right" - A. Gay Man   Read on... "Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child", Christians, Paeodphiles agree.   Read on... Miss Teen 2000 shocks nation She openly supports children and animals and wants to "protect them." Read on... A. Lesbian Confesses to Comedy Club - "All I need is a big, hard cock," she said. Read on... Geek Pays Child Maintenance on BabyDrunk.exe - "I gave the child's my credit details online," he sobbed. Read on...